You are not your thoughts. This is especially important to realize when you feel embarrassed or ashamed.
You can overcome shame once you understand that you can change your thoughts.
Shame vs. guilt – what’s the difference?
Shame can ruin your life. It is the feeling that there is something wrong with you. So it’s crucial that you overcome this feeling of shame and self-blame.
When we feel guilty, we think we have done something wrong.
So shame is about judging your entire self while guilt is about judging something you’ve done.
I think you can still feel deeply ashamed about something you’ve done but this is again related to how you judge yourself.
Some may say that shame is a more public emotion than guilt.
You feel guilty about something on your own while shame is usually related to something that happened in front of other people.
You are not your thoughts
Shame is a very powerful emotion that can impact your whole life.
Sometimes, it even ruins it.
Depending on how strong the feeling is you want to hide, disappear and in very severe cases you may even wish you’d die.
If you don’t pay attention, it can send you down a self-destructive spiral.
People who feel ashamed tend to avoid close relationships and friendships.
They also are less open to new opportunities.
Because they feel like a failure, inferior, or even damaged.
Basically, you believe that there is something wrong with you or that you’re undeserving.
Of course, this is not true.
Shame is a feeling we are causing ourselves by our own false beliefs.
Which means you can overcome shame and self-blame.
Thoughts are not facts
You feel self-aware that other people are judging you. But most of the time that’s only a story you’re telling yourself.
People care a lot less about what you’re doing than you think.
Generally, people mostly care about their own lives and issues.
No one spends hours thinking about you.
If you think about it, it’s actually pretty self-absorbed to think that the whole world only cares about you.
This sounds a bit harsh but once you realize this, you can be free from these kinds of thoughts.
Their behavior usually has nothing to do with you and you can skip the self-blame.
Not everything is about you
I have someone in my close environment who is always freaking out and worrying about what even complete strangers think.
Or what they meant, or why they reacted the way they did (like a driver on the street who hit the brakes too hard).
This person always takes everything personally and feels criticized or rejected. But this is totally unreasonable.
And that’s how shame can ruin your life.
If they could just realize that no one cares, all this self-inflicted drama wouldn’t be necessary.
Maybe the person (like the driver) was lost. Maybe they had a very bad day and were grumpy with everyone.
Or they got some bad news and didn’t really pay attention to you.
A new perspective can help
Whatever it is, there are always plenty of options why someone behaved a certain way that was in no way your fault.
And you are not your thoughts.
Try to objectively see that you might be overreacting and that you’re overestimating how much others judge you.
And even if they are judging you, you don’t have to accept their judgment.
People say and think all kinds of stuff. That doesn’t make them right.
Especially when they don’t know you, your past, or your potential.
When self-blame and shame become toxic, it can ruin your life.
It destroys your self-esteem and your relationship with others.
You can overcome shame and self-blame
Our own false beliefs create our shame and make us blame ourselves.
But you don’t have to believe the stories your inner critic is telling you. You are not your thoughts.
We all have situations that trigger us, and they are different for everyone.
They are influenced by your personality, your experiences, and the culture you grew up in.
It’s important to realize that you are in control of your emotions and your life.
When you are aware of your triggers, you can consciously choose how you react to them.
You are not at the mercy of your emotions
You are not your thoughts and you are not your emotions. Also read how to stay calm and composed under stress
When you feel shame and self-blame coming up, take a deep breath.
Close your eyes and ask yourself if what you’re thinking is the only explanation.
Are there any other possibilities that have nothing to do with you personally?
If a friend was in the same situation as you, what would you tell them?
Wouldn’t you be loving and supportive?
The more you become aware of your triggers the better you’ll get at handling them.
It will take a lot of conscious work and dedication but you can overcome shame.
And it will get easier and easier to choose a better feeling emotion.
Don’t let shame ruin your life.
You are not your thoughts. You are in control!
“Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose
instead of serving shame” – Brené Brown
I hope this was helpful and that you will try this new perspective.
Have a great ,
Improve yourself. Improve your life!
PS: If you feel terrible about yourself, you may need professional help.
I am not a doctor and this post is about my personal experience and opinion.
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